Ridiculousness

Apologies in advance if this post is way too much/too gross of information. I just feel like sharing.  I'm usually on the recieving end of gross/overly personal information; but today I feel like being on the giving end.  So here goes.

1. We have a woman on our service who swallowed her own IUD
2. I learned that when you cauterize a wart cause by HPV, it aerosolizes and if you breathe it in then you can get cervical cancer in your nose.
3. A patient said, "Hang on, I need to show you something" then reached down next to her bed, and produced a cup with her most recent bowel movement in it.  Sadly, I actually did need to see it.  I still would've like some warning.
4. I was 'talking' with a patient for about 5 minutes before the patient's roommate chimed in to inform me that the patient was deaf.  But his roommate told me that he really enjoyed how well I explained the bowel prep. 
5. I'm so tired that I fell asleep during my pap smear. True story.