Sunday, January 16, 2011

Google Searches

I use Google Analytics, which allows me to see all kinds of neat info about the people who visit my blog.  One of the more interesting pieces of data that it collects is what search terms people have used who ended up on my site.  Here are some of the stranger ones, which I will try to answer to the best of my ability. 

"paying for medical school by running " 
Dear Financially-Challenged Reader, Running does not pay very well, or pay at all.  And medical school costs a lot. The only way that I can think of to make enough money by running to pay for med school is if you can run away from a bank very fast.  Like faster than the bullets coming after you.

"astronaut dislike doctors"
Dear Spacey Reader,  This makes me sad! I thought that astronauts and doctors had so much in common- we both never see our families, we are both the fantasy spouse of 1950's women, and we are also incredibly good-looking. I will make it my personal mission to never offend or injure any astronauts.  Except the astronauts in my novel, who were all brutally murdered.  By me.  A doctor.

"what to put jello in"
 Dear Confused Reader,  I feel the need to suggest some of the more obvious answers- a bowl, a plate, a cup, a spoon, your mouth.   But I sense that you are looking for more than that.  You could put it in your hair (as synchronized swimmer's do), your co-worker's office supplies (as the cast of The Office did) or alcohol (as every college aged partier has).  I hope that you found the answer on some other website, because you searched for this many months ago, and I bet your jello got pretty melty since then.

"usmle female blonde" 
Dear Girly Reader,  The USMLE is a computerized test which is quite fancy.  Yet unlike Google Analytics, which can in fact tell me the gender and hair color of everyone who visits my site, the USMLE sadly does not have that advanced function.   So take that test confident that the computer thinks you are a brunette male.  Your patients, however, do know your gender and hair color, so you might want to get over your insecurities before starting clerkships.
"long hair medical student clerkships" 
Dear Super Girly  Reader,  I'm glad to see that you passed the USMLE and have now made it onto clerkships.  I'm also glad to see that you still enjoy googling mad-lib style combinations of (1) your physical attributes and (2) parts of medical school.   You don't have to let your long hair stand in your way, but be wary of a few common pitfalls for long-haired docs: rectal exams, vaginal exams, homeless people exams, and any-kind-of-abscess-exams.  Just please don't show up on my site again after googling "how to stop chewing your hair".


  1. Hello Laura,
    Around the end of last year you mentioned putting your book on Amazon. My question is, what is it called and where can I find it if you did. And also how did you do it?

  2. "paying for medical school by running guns"
    Now that makes more sense...