Thursday, May 24, 2012

So Rich It Hurts

Check out this email I just got:

"As a member with direct deposit payment option set up with CreateSpace, we want you to have the most current information regarding royalty payment terms.   Your direct deposit minimum payment threshold amount is now $10/£10/ 10 (previously $20) and the new payment terms will be effective for payments made in June 2012, for any royalties earned through May. "

As some of you may remember, I wrote a little novel a while ago.  (LINK!)  Anyway, the website that I used to publish it (CreateSpace) previously had a $20 minimum for royalty check payment.  Meaning that even though the book was the best-selling title (of my apartment) and made the topped the Best Seller List (of my blog); I wouldn't get my royalty check until I had $20 worth of sales (I make about $2 per book sold, and yes, selling 10 books was a lofty goal.  Since I only have 2 parents).

BUT! now the minimum payout is $10!!!! 

That means I've got a check for $11.74 coming my way.  I need to find something AWESOME to do with it.  Here are my leading thoughts:

-Find a stock and invest.  That way, if my some crazy turn of events, I happen to pick a stock that ends up making millions from my $11.74; I can tell people that I made my first million from my novel.  And then drink tea with my pinkie up.
-Similar line of thought:  buy lottery tickets with the money.  Same general principle applies: Laura makes millions, Laura gets to act like the millions came from her proliferative and astounding career as a novelist.
-Give the money to a charity.  "Why yes, I did write a novel.   But I donated all my profits to a charity.  Because I'm not only creative but also generous..."
-Buy two Chipotle burritos and eat them with my boyfriend.
- Divide the money in 4 parts, and do a little of each.  "I took my proceeds and invested part, gambled a bit, made some charitable donation, and still had money left over for these 6 tortilla chips.  Now bring me my golden footrest!"


  1. I think you should frame it--like they do in restaurants with the first $1 they make!

  2. Congratulations on being a "highly paid author". I would vote to first pay your publicist and personal manager before agreeing to donate anything...or purchase stocks or a burrito. They don't work for free, you know!

  3. You're so hilarious when you write. Why aren't you this funny in person?